Yesterday everything felt incredibly rushed. For a start there was an insane amount of yah-blocking from seemingly everyone, everywhere. You get yah’d for absolutely no good reason, only to be immediately blocked in what you are doing. It can be infuriating if you don’t know it’s happening, and it very much appears to be the point by many. Personally I think it’s counter productive, as it spreads and just causes traffic jams real and imaginary, and generally seems to put everyone in a bad mood.
I was already having to play catchup, having just been allowed to eat again after about a week of starvation. So I had many days of clothes to wash and just try to get back into the swing of things. Not so obvious, everything felt rushed, brain constantly doing that thing where it feels like it‘s having buffering issues, and just constantly wants to multi-task. All the yah-ing just makes it worse. Still I caught up with most of the physical stuff I needed to do. Still quite a bit of digital things to catch up on.
I spent much of the day listening to music, and smiling each time a yah-block occurred. Ok world, you are doing another one of your innefective counter productive yah-blocks, I would think to myself. Knowing full well people would ultimately be more unhappy later. Then just slow down and try to keep a constant pace to get through it.
I listenned to several podcasts, but had to pause and move on to another several times. Today has been a bit better. Your body and brain really get very affected by starvation and bullying, and it takes a while to recover.
The music helps to ignore it and all the people calling you 'dog', which also happens all the friggin time. It's very brutal. Once it starts it spreads everywhere like the plague.
I notice after each time they put me through these starvation days, that my hunger gets worse. I'm constantly thinking and feeling I should eat something, even if I've recently eaten plenty to get by to the next meal. I've never had trouble with weight, but I wouldn’t be suprised if that becomes an issue at some point. But maybe that‘s part of their plan, one other thing they shout at me is 'bear'. #